Defended & Desired Read online

  He swept her into his arms. “Hey, gorgeous.”

  “Hey, handsome.”

  In front of everyone, he planted a firm kiss on her lips. Their first full on public display of affection He left her breathless and wanting more, enjoying the claim he laid to her with his warm mouth.

  Then he took her hand and led her out to his car. After he shut her door and climbed into the driver’s side, she stared down at the turquoise medallions bejeweling her sandals. She really needed to tell him the truth about her intentions to take a new.

  Only, he looked so happy. He radiated confidence and vitality, and his unstoppable grin made her giddy. She hated ruining the night so soon with the reality that threatened their blissful fantasy.

  So she brought up a topic that might eventually lead to the truth—when the time was right. “I’ve decided to go back home.”

  He arched an eyebrow. “You sure?”

  Nodding, she explained, “I think I’ll be okay. Logan’s company confirmed my system was accessed remotely. They set up an alert in the system to warn the company, which will warn me if anything like that happens again. Besides, you’ve been beyond generous with the hotel room this week. And I need to take my life back.”

  Sliding his fingers under her palm, he took her hand and lifted it to his lips. “I get where you’re coming from, but it’s not an issue. Stay at the hotel as long as you want.”

  “I appreciate the gesture—”

  “It’s not a gesture, Dev,” he insisted. The affectionate nickname caused a ribbon of pleasure to curl in her chest. Only her closest family had called her Dev. “I want you to feel safe.” He squeezed her hand. “Whatever I can do to accomplish that, I will.”

  “I know. Thank you.”

  Sometimes, he seemed too good to be true. Trusting men had always proven an exercise of failed expectations. Usually hers. Going through life with her heart on her sleeve wasn’t in her nature. She couldn’t change overnight, or even over a week, no matter how much she wanted to believe in this man. She’d been burned too many times in the past.

  Although she couldn’t forget the past, the hurt, the betrayal, she also couldn’t help wanting to dive into whatever the future held, as long as Trey was a part of it. He was nothing like her ex. Yet, as much as she’d come to trust and care for Trey, she still wasn’t sure if she trusted herself.

  Tension gathered at the top of her spine. “I appreciate all you’ve done over the past week for me, but I need to live life on my terms, no one else’s. Definitely not some hacker’s.”

  His smile dimmed. “I get it. I respect that.”

  He released her hand and played with the radio dials until the station landed on a Journey song. “Don’t Stop Believing” wailed through the speakers, the same song she’d danced to the night they went to Jake’s Bar. She would never listen to Rush or Journey again without thinking of him. Her ribs squeezed with restrained emotion.

  She glanced over at Trey and saw a smirk playing on his lips. “What are you thinking about?” she asked.

  “You. On the dance floor at that dive bar. How all those sleazebag guys were staring at your ass.” He squeezed her hand. “And how territorial I got, even though I knew you were leaving with me.”

  “You mean you were jealous?” Her abdomen fluttered at his Neanderthal response.

  He lifted a shoulder. “Maybe.”

  “Interesting.”

  “Interesting good or interesting bad?”

  “Good, I think.”

  “Thanks.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Way to boost my ego.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Oh, like your ego needs padding. Please. Spend another hour in your yoga class, and you’ll be cured of all doubts about your attractiveness.”

  He arched a provocative eyebrow. “Jealous?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Uh-huh.” His face split with a grin.

  “So where are we heading?”

  He turned his right blinker on when they stopped at a red light. “There’s a concert in the park tonight. The weather’s perfect, the sun is shining, and you look amazing. I want to show you off.”

  An inner smile perched on her heart. “What kind of music?”

  “Eight-piece band, early jazz from around the nineteen-thirties.”

  “Nice.” She smiled. “I haven’t listened to a jazz group in ages.”

  “When I came to your place and saw pictures of flapper girls hanging on your walls, I figured you’d like it.”

  “Good observation.” How did he keep doing that? Continuously intuiting what she liked and why? Few guys bothered taking the time to understand a woman the way Trey invested himself in discovering her.

  Suddenly, her pulse stuttered. Her heart tripped and fell into a swirling pool of emotion. She grabbed her seat as if she’d hopped a rollercoaster at the top of a hill, and the ride began to plunge at breathtaking speeds. She grew dizzy, disoriented. Her heart beat so fast her lungs could barely take in enough air.

  She blinked. The scenery around her came back into focus.

  What just happened? She’d never experienced anything like it, freefalling into an abyss of stomach-flipping, toe-curling, raw and terrifying exhilaration. She couldn’t stop smiling, like she was…

  Falling in love. With Trey.

  Oh, no. Paralyzing doubt crept in, but it couldn’t dim this sense of freedom in flight. This desire to let go, let the momentum carry her to a destination where she belonged, but hadn’t believed truly existed. Until now.

  “I can turn the air conditioning on,” Trey offered, “if you’re too warm.”

  Lifting a hand to her heated cheeks, she shook her head. “No, it’s fine. I’m good.”

  I think.

  Even as reason and ration returned to her brain cells, the giddiness remained. “I’m happy,” she said with a trace of wonder.

  Trey smiled. “Glad to hear that.”

  They pulled into a parking lot. He cut the engine, stepped out of the car and grabbed a basket from the narrow backseat. Then he moved to the passenger side and opened the door for her.

  Standing on the pavement, she lifted her sunglasses to rest on top of her head. Her senses were amplified. The scent of freshly mowed lawn filled her nose. Cheerful birds sang in the air. The green leaves of the trees looked almost fluorescent against the bright blue sky. Pink and purple petals of clustered posies filled half-barrel pots and the blooms flitted in the breeze.

  Instead of waiting for Trey to reach for her, she took his hand first, twining their fingers. His big hand engulfed hers and squeezed affectionately.

  A smile filled her soul. Life was good. Very good. Too good? The alarm bells of internal caution faded to an annoying ding, like a computer alert for an email she’d received but didn’t care to open. Church bells rang out across the grassy field, a pleasing echo that drowned the faint little dings of doubt in her head.

  Lost in her heightened awareness of the moment, she didn’t want to be found. She wanted to enjoy this moment with Trey and the euphoric emotions unfurling within.

  They set up their picnic in a square of grass between a young pair with tattoos and a gray-haired couple. Trey whipped the red-and-black checkered blanket until it caught the breeze and floated to the ground. She tugged the corners until the cloth made a perfect square then joined him in the center. He lifted one flap of the picnic basket and withdrew a carafe of white wine and two glasses.

  “Are we allowed to drink in public?” she asked.

  He nodded to the young couple on their left holding cozies of Coors Light. That answered her question. After they finished the turkey and cheese sandwiches he’d made, along with a carton of potato salad, Trey tossed their paper plates and plastic utensils in the trash.

  When he returned, he sat behind her instead of beside her. He pulled her between his legs, and she leaned into his solid chest, letting her head fall back against his shoulder.

  A sense of fulfillment rippled through her like gentle
waves. She closed her eyes.

  The bass drum thumped like the steady beat of Trey’s heart. The rasp of cymbals kept pace with the standup bass player’s notes. The brass section punctuated the rhythms with bursts of enthusiasm. Guitar chords lent a soothing strum.

  A sigh left her lips. “This is perfect.”

  He dropped a kiss to her neck and she felt him smile. “I agree.”

  Then her eyes popped open. “Why didn’t you bring Peanut?”

  Trey poured them both another half a glass of wine. “At the pet care place, the other dogs must run circles around him. He was so beat he barely ate dinner before he crashed hard in the corner of my couch.”

  The image amused her. “I take him there only three days a week to keep him active and tire him out. Four days in a row and Peanut’s probably a slug.”

  “Pretty much.”

  “Thanks again for watching my dog. Sorry to make you a part time babysitter.”

  He took a sip of wine. “I don’t mind. The little guy’s growing on me.”

  “Well, you’re a champ. Most guys wouldn’t put a girl up in a hotel and take care of her dog.”

  “You’re not just any girl. You’re my girl.” He kissed her temple.

  That claim touched the deepest parts of her. Snuggling into him, she cupped his bent knees. “Do you know how amazing you are?”

  “Tell me again,” he whispered with a grin.

  Twisting to face him, she looked up into his sparkling brown gaze. “You are the most thoughtful, kind, beautiful man I’ve ever met.”

  His eyelids lowered a fraction. “You’re just trying to sweet talk me into bed.”

  She laughed and shoved at his shoulder. “How did you know?”

  “Because that’s what I tell myself when you say things I want to be real.” Deep, dark hues of emotion swirled in his eyes. She couldn’t decipher each layer of bare honesty he revealed, they came in such rapid succession. Momentarily speechless, she nodded in recognition.

  The silent encouragement seemed to lessen the turmoil in his eyes. He captured her mouth in a sizzling kiss. Parting her lips, he dipped his tongue inside and curved around hers possessively. Desire caught in her abdomen.

  Then he released her. Though disappointed, she supposed this wasn’t the ideal place for a sexy make out session, but it would’ve been the right time.

  Was she ready to do that? Lay her soul bare in front of him? She didn’t know the answer, and he didn’t seem to require one right that second. A little relieved, she sipped her wine and relaxed into his large, strong body encasing her. Simple pleasures were so rare, anymore. She relished these moments of peace and acceptance in his arms. Something she hadn’t found elsewhere in her life in a long time. Not even in the prospect of a new career path.

  The thought startled her but she didn’t want to investigate that realization right now. She just wanted to be with him.

  The jazz tune ended and claps rose up from the audience spread out across the lawn. The bassist walked to the microphone, adjusting it to his height. “I want to give a shout out to my little brother and his new fiancée as of tonight.”

  The young couple to their left smiled and lifted their Coors Lights in recognition. “Thanks,” the guy shouted back.

  “Yeah-hah!” the guitarist belted out in response. “Congrats, Danny’s little brother!”

  Leaning forward, Devon said to the girl, “Now you have to show off your ring.”

  Beaming, the young woman tucked her short blonde hair behind her ear, blushed and held out her left hand. A small heart-shaped diamond sparkled in the setting sun.

  “Beautiful,” Devon admired.

  Trey fell unusually silent. “Babe, I have to admit something,” he finally said, a slight strain in his voice. She’d never been good at declarations of emotion, and her pulse thundered in her ears. “About my past.”

  It had been ages since she’d found herself in a budding relationship. Usually, by the time she made it to this point with a guy, she’d found plenty of excuses to leave and was halfway out the door. “I understand,” she said slowly, inviting him to share but not yet willing to reveal the heartbreak that had happened to her eight years ago. “We all have a past. Some things we’re proud of, others not so much.”

  “I was engaged once,” he stated. Prickles of uncertainty scattered over her skin. “Before we go forward in our relationship, you should know that.”

  Despite her wariness, she figured her spike of insecurity was typical when the man she cared about revealed details of his romantic past.

  Taking her silence as an invitation, Trey continued. “We hooked up in high school. Then we broke up, off and on, both of us thinking we’d find something better, different, but never did. Eventually, we just assumed we were supposed to be together since we kept coming back for more. Looking back, I think we were just comfortable. We’d seen each other go through life’s big transitions, all the highs and lows. I turned twenty-eight, she turned twenty-six, and getting married seemed like the next step.”

  “That sounds like the right age to think about settling down with someone.” When she’d committed to Dan, she was twenty four and he was twenty six, so young in hindsight. Neither of them had been ready for the long haul, but sometimes a relationship can’t lead anywhere else but to a breakup or marriage.

  “For the most part, during the times we got back together Jenna managed to stay clean. But I knew addiction ran in her family, and she never stopped looking for ways to escape her ugly childhood. I guess I shouldn’t have been shocked when she relapsed.”

  “That had to be hard.” Her eyebrows furrowed. “When did she relapse?”

  “She OD’d on prescription painkillers the week we were supposed to get married.”

  “Oh, how awful.” She cupped his cheek. “I’m so sorry.”

  Hurt lingered in his eyes even though he shrugged. “If it had to happen, at least it was before the wedding. I was taking her to the hospital when I missed the call from my dad.”

  What call? “We all get our connections crossed.”

  “Yeah, but if I’d answered, I might’ve saved his life.”

  Her mouth fell open. “What?”

  Looking off toward the stage, he dropped his chin. “Dad called me for backup when he went to haul in a felon. I wasn’t there for him. He lost his life because of it. I had no idea the message he left would be the last time I ever heard his voice.”

  Torment tightened his features. She wanted to absorb his pain and carry it for him. “You couldn’t save two lives at the same time, Trey. Not even Superman can do that.”

  He sighed. “No, I guess not.”

  But his tone said he didn’t believe that. He felt responsible, and his heartbreak tore her apart. “What happened to the life you did save?”

  “Jenna?” He laughed without humor. “She went into rehab, using the money we’d planned for our honeymoon, and met some guy there. We were over, so I didn’t care. She’s still in and out of rehab, mostly out, and still roping people into her crazy schemes. She’s a piece of work.” His jaw tightened. “When I left Vegas, I finally saw how toxic she was.”

  “Do you wish things had worked out differently?” she asked, dreading the answer.

  “No.” He shook his head, and this time his laugh was genuine. “We would’ve ended up as one of those miserable married couples that stay together for the sake of the kids. Things turned out for the best.” His smile reached his eyes. “Besides, I was waiting for you.”

  The words made her heart soar. He’d shared his story of love and loss, inspiring her to do the same. “If things had turned out different eight years ago, I wouldn’t be here with you either.”

  “Tell me about it.” He swept both her legs over one thigh, wedging her left shoulder against his chest. Then he looped his arms around her waist, enclosing her in a protective circle.

  She appreciated the gesture more than words, as she prepared to delve into memories of one of the wors
t day of her life. “I could tell something was wrong with Daniel the week before our wedding. He seemed distant, distracted. Whenever I tried to be affectionate or talk about last minute details, it was like he’d checked out. I figured it was typical bachelor jitters. He assured me everything was fine, but I should’ve listened to my instincts.”

  Trey stared at her intently, allowing her to continue at her own pace as her thoughts unspooled.

  “We met in ROTC, graduated college, and then used our army computer skills to enter the workforce. We were hired by the same company, but he ended up becoming my superior. That’s when we became more than friends. We’d planned the wedding to match our two year anniversary, and while the ceremony wasn’t grand, I’d worked so hard to make it come together on our small budget. My mom had always struggled when it came to money, but she somehow scraped together the cash to buy the material to make my wedding dress. It was beautiful, with pearls and lace and a long satin train. The first time I tried it on I felt like Cinderella and we both cried.”

  Sinking her toes into the warm grass beside them, she sighed at her one sweet memory during that time then spoke in a rush, “I stood at the back of the church and the music started playing, I looked down the aisle but didn’t see Dan in front of the altar. I thought maybe he’d planned some grand entrance, since he’d always been a showman. So I went down the aisle by myself, stood on the steps by the minister and waited.” Misery collected in her throat. “And waited. He never came. He left me at the altar on our wedding day.”

  Trey’s jaw dropped and anger clouded his gaze. “How could he do that to you?”

  Repressed sensations of hurt and abandonment traveled through her veins like shards of broken glass leading straight to her heart. I don’t know, she tried to say, except she couldn’t push the words past the lump of unshed tears in her throat. Though she had her suspicions. Facing a future with a woman who couldn’t bear him children had turned a decent man into a cold, heartless deserter.

  Clearing her throat, she shoved those memories back down into a box in her psyche marked Do Not Open. “You know what’s crazy? Dan tried to connect with me on Facebook a couple months ago. I didn’t reply. What was I going to say? ‘Gee, great to hear from you after you walked out on me in front of a church full of people.’ Some things are better left alone.”